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DSS let me just be blunt about your Suicidal Thoughts and Please answer Honestly, Do you have a plan to kill yourself..?? IF you do I Highly advice to see Professional Help.. Call a Local Psychiatric Hospital and tell them your Intentions about Suicide.. If you do not have a plan to commit suicide I would still seek PProfessional Help but maybe on an Outpatient basis.. Depression is Something you can just not Snap out of you may need counseling and medicine to help that condition.. And to the Others Please understand what I asked as I speak from Firsthand Knowledge..
DSS let me just be blunt about your Suicidal Thoughts and Please answer Honestly, Do you have a plan to kill yourself..?? IF you do I Highly advice to see Professional Help.. Call a Local Psychiatric Hospital and tell them your Intentions about Suicide..

If you do not have a plan to commit suicide I would still seek PProfessional Help but maybe on an Outpatient basis.. Depression is Something you can just not Snap out of you may need counseling and medicine to help that condition..

And to the Others Please understand what I asked as I speak from Firsthand Knowledge..

Intel i5 7600K @ 4.8ghz / MSI Z270 SLI / Asus 1080GTX - 391.35 / 2 - Acer X1261P Projectors / 1 4'x10' Curved Screen PVC / TrackIR / HOTAS Cougar / Cougar MFD's / nThusim Warping software / Track IR / NVidia 3D Vision / Win 10 64bit

#16
Posted 03/26/2017 02:42 AM   
A little bit of context - this is something I have actually been dealing with on and off for about 15 years now, but until relatively recently I kept it hidden from all but a few close people in my life. Back in high school and through most of uni it was almost a constant battle - I made several attempts on my life (that in retrospect had approximately 0% chance of working, and in a way it was a shame that I didn't try something that someone would have *noticed* and maybe got the help I needed), but I was always able to hide it, I was always able to appear happy to everyone else and I was almost always able to push through and get my work done, still get good grades, etc. even in the bad times. When I say "bad" times I mean times where I am suffering from a state known as "Anhedonia", which is the inability to feel pleasure. This was frustrating because I didn't used to know what it was, and in these times I would try to make myself feel better by playing video games or doing something else that usually bought me pleasure, but I gained no pleasure, yet any frustrations still came through in spades. Video games are particularly bad in this state because very few of them have no frustrating points (e.g. dying a lot or unfairly, bad UI design, long loading or reloading times, unskippable cutscenes, poor or inaccurate controls, etc), but normally the pleasure gained from playing them hides these and the frustrations can be overlooked. During Anhedonia there is no pleasure to be gained, but these still show through and are amplified, leading to the bad mood only getting worse. Now that I have been through this enough times and are more familiar with the medical science I can recognise when I am in this state, and have coping strategies that can help. These are *not* cures, but doing things that can lead to a positive change in mental state without any frustrations can help. What helps is highly personal, but for me it is things like going for a walk and listening to music. Comfort foods can be tempting and sometimes they are the only available option, but I would not recommend them - they don't really help me personally and can lead to weight gain, which can then feed back into depression. I can report that the VR experience "theBlu" had a similar positive effect on me as going outside for days where the weather was too sour to actually go out. Things improved a lot for me towards the end of uni when I met a girl who I would later marry. This wasn't a cure, but it meant that the normal times became a lot better and and the bad times were not as bad. I typically went through relapses twice a year and usually around the same times (the dates were significant, yet it caught me by surprise every time), but except on particularly bad days I was still able to push through and get things done - this was still "high functioning" depression. The relapses would last a few days or weeks and then things would get back to normal. In the last year and a half a combination of factors coinciding all around the same time including extreme stress at work, moving to Sydney and a trigger re-appearing in my personal life meant that I have been through two extremely bad and long lasting relapses relatively close to each other. When I say I am mentally broken it means I am no longer able to just push through it and get things done - it is no longer "high functioning" depression. I've been working with my managers to reduce my workload and stress and get me out of the line of fire for projects that are likely to get too much attention - for the last year I have been doing little more than attending meetings. Despite this, I have been finding that I am no longer able to cope with even this reduced stress and have just made the tough decision to leave my job until I can find myself again. I'm seriously wondering whether I even want to continue in IT, but that has always been such an obvious first choice for me that I don't have anything else lined up, except for maybe my photography - but that was never something I felt I was good enough at to make a career of. For now I'm not sure what I will do, but I at least want to be able to get away from things for a while without any commitments hanging over me. [quote="helifax"]On a more brighter side;) That Picture is pretty awesome! I really like how you made it;) Taking the Github Gant Chart as a reference;) Reminds me of "Life is Strange" game ^_^ (I swear to God I am not hinting at anything here). But, know that I think about it... yupp, life is very strange indeed;)[/quote]That is actually one of the reasons I count Life Is Strange in my three all time favourite games (along with Miasmata and Aquaria) - I love that gaming has matured enough that a game like that can exist :) [quote="TsaebehT"]I find listening to music helps block out a lot of my stupid thoughts/change my mood... female vocals help soothe the beast, usually stuff I'd never listen to out loud... Lol. Thankfully I have lots of earbuds... sometimes it takes the complete opposite mood of music than the one I'm trying to get out of(Lily Allen*) other times anything'll do...[/quote]Yeah, music has helped me through many dark times - like I said above it is one of the things that can change my mood without frustrations (well, so long as you are listening to music on a medium without ads - so no radio or Spotify free). For me this includes bands like Sonata Arctica, Nightwish, Voyager, Loreena McKennitt, etc. (Symphonic / Power Metal + Celtic). I like both clean male and female vocals, just not harsh vocals (although I don't mind the growls in Epica). [quote="masterotaku"]By the way, you started shader hacking in August 2015?[/quote]August 2014. [quote="The_Nephilim"]DSS let me just be blunt about your Suicidal Thoughts and Please answer Honestly, Do you have a plan to kill yourself..?? IF you do I Highly advice to see Professional Help.. Call a Local Psychiatric Hospital and tell them your Intentions about Suicide.. If you do not have a plan to commit suicide I would still seek PProfessional Help but maybe on an Outpatient basis.. Depression is Something you can just not Snap out of you may need counseling and medicine to help that condition.. And to the Others Please understand what I asked as I speak from Firsthand Knowledge.. [/quote]At the moment I don't have a plan to kill myself beyond sometimes abstractly thinking that this is all too much and I want a way out. When I was going through that last year it was due to a really shitty and poorly timed situation in my personal life - I can't go into specifics since that involves other people, but those thoughts started when I received a phone call while on vacation when I was literally standing right next to a cliff. The scariest thing was when I told my wife that it was probably not a good idea for me to get too close to the edge expecting her to talk me out of it... but instead she proposed that we could jump together - the situation last year had taken a huge tole on the both of us, not just me. I may not have a plan right now, but during the month following that I did think about various methods... and decided on one. And thank you for your advice to seek professional help - the last year and a half has been particularly hard on me, but I have been dealing with this long enough to know that it is not a battle that can be won alone. I talk about this now since it is a part of my life, because I've realised that keeping it a secret helps no one and talking about it can help destigmatise it, and to find others who are/have dealt with it because they are the ones who can truly understand it, and who might themselves benefit from this.
A little bit of context - this is something I have actually been dealing with on and off for about 15 years now, but until relatively recently I kept it hidden from all but a few close people in my life. Back in high school and through most of uni it was almost a constant battle - I made several attempts on my life (that in retrospect had approximately 0% chance of working, and in a way it was a shame that I didn't try something that someone would have *noticed* and maybe got the help I needed), but I was always able to hide it, I was always able to appear happy to everyone else and I was almost always able to push through and get my work done, still get good grades, etc. even in the bad times.

When I say "bad" times I mean times where I am suffering from a state known as "Anhedonia", which is the inability to feel pleasure. This was frustrating because I didn't used to know what it was, and in these times I would try to make myself feel better by playing video games or doing something else that usually bought me pleasure, but I gained no pleasure, yet any frustrations still came through in spades. Video games are particularly bad in this state because very few of them have no frustrating points (e.g. dying a lot or unfairly, bad UI design, long loading or reloading times, unskippable cutscenes, poor or inaccurate controls, etc), but normally the pleasure gained from playing them hides these and the frustrations can be overlooked. During Anhedonia there is no pleasure to be gained, but these still show through and are amplified, leading to the bad mood only getting worse.

Now that I have been through this enough times and are more familiar with the medical science I can recognise when I am in this state, and have coping strategies that can help. These are *not* cures, but doing things that can lead to a positive change in mental state without any frustrations can help. What helps is highly personal, but for me it is things like going for a walk and listening to music. Comfort foods can be tempting and sometimes they are the only available option, but I would not recommend them - they don't really help me personally and can lead to weight gain, which can then feed back into depression. I can report that the VR experience "theBlu" had a similar positive effect on me as going outside for days where the weather was too sour to actually go out.

Things improved a lot for me towards the end of uni when I met a girl who I would later marry. This wasn't a cure, but it meant that the normal times became a lot better and and the bad times were not as bad. I typically went through relapses twice a year and usually around the same times (the dates were significant, yet it caught me by surprise every time), but except on particularly bad days I was still able to push through and get things done - this was still "high functioning" depression. The relapses would last a few days or weeks and then things would get back to normal.

In the last year and a half a combination of factors coinciding all around the same time including extreme stress at work, moving to Sydney and a trigger re-appearing in my personal life meant that I have been through two extremely bad and long lasting relapses relatively close to each other.

When I say I am mentally broken it means I am no longer able to just push through it and get things done - it is no longer "high functioning" depression. I've been working with my managers to reduce my workload and stress and get me out of the line of fire for projects that are likely to get too much attention - for the last year I have been doing little more than attending meetings. Despite this, I have been finding that I am no longer able to cope with even this reduced stress and have just made the tough decision to leave my job until I can find myself again. I'm seriously wondering whether I even want to continue in IT, but that has always been such an obvious first choice for me that I don't have anything else lined up, except for maybe my photography - but that was never something I felt I was good enough at to make a career of. For now I'm not sure what I will do, but I at least want to be able to get away from things for a while without any commitments hanging over me.

helifax said:On a more brighter side;) That Picture is pretty awesome! I really like how you made it;) Taking the Github Gant Chart as a reference;) Reminds me of "Life is Strange" game ^_^ (I swear to God I am not hinting at anything here). But, know that I think about it... yupp, life is very strange indeed;)
That is actually one of the reasons I count Life Is Strange in my three all time favourite games (along with Miasmata and Aquaria) - I love that gaming has matured enough that a game like that can exist :)

TsaebehT said:I find listening to music helps block out a lot of my stupid thoughts/change my mood... female vocals help soothe the beast, usually stuff I'd never listen to out loud... Lol. Thankfully I have lots of earbuds... sometimes it takes the complete opposite mood of music than the one I'm trying to get out of(Lily Allen*) other times anything'll do...
Yeah, music has helped me through many dark times - like I said above it is one of the things that can change my mood without frustrations (well, so long as you are listening to music on a medium without ads - so no radio or Spotify free). For me this includes bands like Sonata Arctica, Nightwish, Voyager, Loreena McKennitt, etc. (Symphonic / Power Metal + Celtic). I like both clean male and female vocals, just not harsh vocals (although I don't mind the growls in Epica).

masterotaku said:By the way, you started shader hacking in August 2015?
August 2014.

The_Nephilim said:DSS let me just be blunt about your Suicidal Thoughts and Please answer Honestly, Do you have a plan to kill yourself..?? IF you do I Highly advice to see Professional Help.. Call a Local Psychiatric Hospital and tell them your Intentions about Suicide..

If you do not have a plan to commit suicide I would still seek PProfessional Help but maybe on an Outpatient basis.. Depression is Something you can just not Snap out of you may need counseling and medicine to help that condition..

And to the Others Please understand what I asked as I speak from Firsthand Knowledge..
At the moment I don't have a plan to kill myself beyond sometimes abstractly thinking that this is all too much and I want a way out. When I was going through that last year it was due to a really shitty and poorly timed situation in my personal life - I can't go into specifics since that involves other people, but those thoughts started when I received a phone call while on vacation when I was literally standing right next to a cliff. The scariest thing was when I told my wife that it was probably not a good idea for me to get too close to the edge expecting her to talk me out of it... but instead she proposed that we could jump together - the situation last year had taken a huge tole on the both of us, not just me. I may not have a plan right now, but during the month following that I did think about various methods... and decided on one.

And thank you for your advice to seek professional help - the last year and a half has been particularly hard on me, but I have been dealing with this long enough to know that it is not a battle that can be won alone. I talk about this now since it is a part of my life, because I've realised that keeping it a secret helps no one and talking about it can help destigmatise it, and to find others who are/have dealt with it because they are the ones who can truly understand it, and who might themselves benefit from this.

2x Geforce GTX 980 in SLI provided by NVIDIA, i7 6700K 4GHz CPU, Asus 27" VG278HE 144Hz 3D Monitor, BenQ W1070 3D Projector, 120" Elite Screens YardMaster 2, 32GB Corsair DDR4 3200MHz RAM, Samsung 850 EVO 500G SSD, 4x750GB HDD in RAID5, Gigabyte Z170X-Gaming 7 Motherboard, Corsair Obsidian 750D Airflow Edition Case, Corsair RM850i PSU, HTC Vive, Win 10 64bit

Alienware M17x R4 w/ built in 3D, Intel i7 3740QM, GTX 680m 2GB, 16GB DDR3 1600MHz RAM, Win7 64bit, 1TB SSD, 1TB HDD, 750GB HDD

Pre-release 3D fixes, shadertool.py and other goodies: http://github.com/DarkStarSword/3d-fixes
Support me on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/DarkStarSword or PayPal: https://www.paypal.me/DarkStarSword

#17
Posted 03/26/2017 05:09 AM   
Well DSS I truly understand it and hope you seek the help you need ;)
Well DSS I truly understand it and hope you seek the help you need ;)

Intel i5 7600K @ 4.8ghz / MSI Z270 SLI / Asus 1080GTX - 391.35 / 2 - Acer X1261P Projectors / 1 4'x10' Curved Screen PVC / TrackIR / HOTAS Cougar / Cougar MFD's / nThusim Warping software / Track IR / NVidia 3D Vision / Win 10 64bit

#18
Posted 03/26/2017 05:14 AM   
This is an extended version of a talk I saw many years ago that helped me understand what I was going through: http://pjf.id.au/talks/2013/07/24/depression-bugs-in-your-brain.html https://youtu.be/VH8e4rQZPmQ
This is an extended version of a talk I saw many years ago that helped me understand what I was going through:


http://pjf.id.au/talks/2013/07/24/depression-bugs-in-your-brain.html


https://youtu.be/VH8e4rQZPmQ

2x Geforce GTX 980 in SLI provided by NVIDIA, i7 6700K 4GHz CPU, Asus 27" VG278HE 144Hz 3D Monitor, BenQ W1070 3D Projector, 120" Elite Screens YardMaster 2, 32GB Corsair DDR4 3200MHz RAM, Samsung 850 EVO 500G SSD, 4x750GB HDD in RAID5, Gigabyte Z170X-Gaming 7 Motherboard, Corsair Obsidian 750D Airflow Edition Case, Corsair RM850i PSU, HTC Vive, Win 10 64bit

Alienware M17x R4 w/ built in 3D, Intel i7 3740QM, GTX 680m 2GB, 16GB DDR3 1600MHz RAM, Win7 64bit, 1TB SSD, 1TB HDD, 750GB HDD

Pre-release 3D fixes, shadertool.py and other goodies: http://github.com/DarkStarSword/3d-fixes
Support me on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/DarkStarSword or PayPal: https://www.paypal.me/DarkStarSword

#19
Posted 03/26/2017 05:31 AM   
Sorry to hear that man, and thank you for the amazing work you've already done. I hope the space you get from leaving work will be enough for you to find what you are looking for, or at least enough for you to be able to catch your breath.
Sorry to hear that man, and thank you for the amazing work you've already done. I hope the space you get from leaving work will be enough for you to find what you are looking for, or at least enough for you to be able to catch your breath.

#20
Posted 03/26/2017 05:37 AM   
Thank you for sharing so openly with us, DSS. You have my deepest sympathies, especially because I think I know how you're feeling. I'm still trying to fight my own depression on a daily basis after 8 years, although suicidal thoughts were always at a very distant horizon in my mind. I guess that in spite of everything that's bad, I just enjoy life way too much to ever consider ending mine. I've been able to eliminate the stress that came with a full-time job, thanks to a relatively decent healthcare system here in Switzerland. As RAGEdemon and others have said, please don't feel like you owe us anything. It's the other way around. We're thankful for the outstanding contributions you have already made and the escapism you've treated us to with your amazing talent. You're too kind for your own good, man. I'm the same, always worrying about others and what they might think of me. Please look after yourself more and do whatever you figure might make you happy. Listening to music is the most soothing thing to do for me as well. I agree with your observation about the stressful side of gaming almost outweighing the pleasure gained. It's become harder to stumble over video games with an overall pleasant experience, cause I also find myself getting into a fit of rage over developers that refuse to respect my time by implementing unskippable cutscenes or cheap deaths. It seems like a lot of us in this forum are trying to fight their depression with escapism into other worlds, cause reality sucks donkey's balls.
Thank you for sharing so openly with us, DSS.
You have my deepest sympathies, especially because I think I know how you're feeling.

I'm still trying to fight my own depression on a daily basis after 8 years, although suicidal thoughts were always at a very distant horizon in my mind. I guess that in spite of everything that's bad, I just enjoy life way too much to ever consider ending mine. I've been able to eliminate the stress that came with a full-time job, thanks to a relatively decent healthcare system here in Switzerland.

As RAGEdemon and others have said, please don't feel like you owe us anything. It's the other way around. We're thankful for the outstanding contributions you have already made and the escapism you've treated us to with your amazing talent.

You're too kind for your own good, man. I'm the same, always worrying about others and what they might think of me. Please look after yourself more and do whatever you figure might make you happy.
Listening to music is the most soothing thing to do for me as well.

I agree with your observation about the stressful side of gaming almost outweighing the pleasure gained. It's become harder to stumble over video games with an overall pleasant experience, cause I also find myself getting into a fit of rage over developers that refuse to respect my time by implementing unskippable cutscenes or cheap deaths.

It seems like a lot of us in this forum are trying to fight their depression with escapism into other worlds, cause reality sucks donkey's balls.

#21
Posted 03/26/2017 07:16 AM   
I've been battling with the same symptoms you mention DDS. I know exactly how it feels. The first time I had such an experience was at the age of 13. I had a serious head injury with rugby and have been fighting this battle since 1998. I remember the first time was when I woke up one holiday morning and I had absolutely no desire to play any games. Games at the time was my life and something I could never wait to do. When it strikes you become very negative and even the closest becomes your enemy (mentally). You feel emotionless. Life meaningless. Sleep becomes your best friend. But since my early 20s I've been following medical seminars and journals and gained a lot of knowledge on the matter. Here are some advice I could vouch for: [color="orange"]And in order for the brain to be healthy the blood must be pure. If by correct habits of eating and drinking the blood is kept pure, the brain will be properly nourished. Indulgence of appetite is the greatest cause of physical and mental debility and lies at the foundation of the feebleness which is apparent everywhere. People who have a sour stomach are very often of a sour disposition. Everything seems to be contrary to them, and they are inclined to be peevish and irritable. If we would have peace among ourselves, we should give more thought than we do to having a peaceful stomach. The health of the mind is to a large degree dependent upon the health of the body, and the health of the body is dependent upon the way in which the living machinery is treated. Eat only that food which will keep your stomach in the most healthy condition. The mind does not wear out nor break down so often on account of diligent employment and hard study as on account of eating improper food at improper times, and of careless inattention to the laws of health.... Irregular hours for eating and sleeping sap the brain forces. While proper attention is given to the laws of health there is little danger from mental taxation, but in many cases of so-called mental failure it is the overcrowding of the stomach that wearies the body and weakens the mind. Indulgence of appetite is the greatest cause of physical and mental debility, and lies at the foundation of feebleness, which is apparent everywhere. Study is not the principal cause of breakdown of the mental powers. The main cause is improper diet, irregular meals, a lack of physical exercise, and careless inattention in other respects to the laws of health. By allowing ourselves to form wrong habits, by keeping late hours, by gratifying appetite at the expense of health, we lay the foundation for feebleness. By neglecting physical exercise, by overworking mind or body, we unbalance the nervous system. The health of the mind is dependent upon the health of the body. [/color] Here is a list of ingredients I compiled from a book I bought about 2 years ago. You need to blend at least 2 from each group to make it more effective. My life turned around when I discovered this simple "trick". The book was published by a man desperate to save his father from Alzheimer. The research was done by scientists of Yale University. Everything marked by a [color="green"]*[/color] is something you could find in more than one of the four groups. Which makes it potent and why I prefer every smoothy to have it. This smoothy not only helps the mental faculty but also promotes energy levels. Apart from this, as mentioned in the quotes, sleep is one of the aspects which makes the biggest impact on my mental condition. For this reason cut on salt and sugar as far as possible. Everything contains this which is why raw fruits and vegetables are super! I could go on and on about all the stuff I've learned and experienced through the years. The rabbit hole doesn't have and end.
I've been battling with the same symptoms you mention DDS. I know exactly how it feels. The first time I had such an experience was at the age of 13. I had a serious head injury with rugby and have been fighting this battle since 1998. I remember the first time was when I woke up one holiday morning and I had absolutely no desire to play any games. Games at the time was my life and something I could never wait to do.

When it strikes you become very negative and even the closest becomes your enemy (mentally). You feel emotionless. Life meaningless. Sleep becomes your best friend.

But since my early 20s I've been following medical seminars and journals and gained a lot of knowledge on the matter. Here are some advice I could vouch for:

And in order for the brain to be healthy the blood must be pure. If by correct habits of eating and drinking the blood is kept pure, the brain will be properly nourished.

Indulgence of appetite is the greatest cause of physical and mental debility and lies at the foundation of the feebleness which is apparent everywhere.

People who have a sour stomach are very often of a sour disposition. Everything seems to be contrary to them, and they are inclined to be peevish and irritable. If we would have peace among ourselves, we should give more thought than we do to having a peaceful stomach.

The health of the mind is to a large degree dependent upon the health of the body, and the health of the body is dependent upon the way in which the living machinery is treated. Eat only that food which will keep your stomach in the most healthy condition.

The mind does not wear out nor break down so often on account of diligent employment and hard study as on account of eating improper food at improper times, and of careless inattention to the laws of health.... Irregular hours for eating and sleeping sap the brain forces.

While proper attention is given to the laws of health there is little danger from mental taxation, but in many cases of so-called mental failure it is the overcrowding of the stomach that wearies the body and weakens the mind.

Indulgence of appetite is the greatest cause of physical and mental debility, and lies at the foundation of feebleness, which is apparent everywhere.

Study is not the principal cause of breakdown of the mental powers. The main cause is improper diet, irregular meals, a lack of physical exercise, and careless inattention in other respects to the laws of health.

By allowing ourselves to form wrong habits, by keeping late hours, by gratifying appetite at the expense of health, we lay the foundation for feebleness. By neglecting physical exercise, by overworking mind or body, we unbalance the nervous system.

The health of the mind is dependent upon the health of the body.


Here is a list of ingredients I compiled from a book I bought about 2 years ago. You need to blend at least 2 from each group to make it more effective. My life turned around when I discovered this simple "trick". The book was published by a man desperate to save his father from Alzheimer. The research was done by scientists of Yale University. Everything marked by a * is something you could find in more than one of the four groups. Which makes it potent and why I prefer every smoothy to have it. This smoothy not only helps the mental faculty but also promotes energy levels.

Apart from this, as mentioned in the quotes, sleep is one of the aspects which makes the biggest impact on my mental condition. For this reason cut on salt and sugar as far as possible. Everything contains this which is why raw fruits and vegetables are super!

I could go on and on about all the stuff I've learned and experienced through the years. The rabbit hole doesn't have and end.

#22
Posted 03/26/2017 07:14 PM   
One my girlfriend was falling in depression at springs and autumns. I said to she that never in my life depression haven't visited me... After long time I've understood that depression always was with me. You should set a powerfull goal and go to it. The goals make sense of life. Neither drugs nor alcohol will not help you with depression. They will not make you happier. They only make you closer to death... My second life have started about 4 years ago and I don't think that somebody or anybody will give me third one...
One my girlfriend was falling in depression at springs and autumns. I said to she that never in my life depression haven't visited me... After long time I've understood that depression always was with me. You should set a powerfull goal and go to it. The goals make sense of life. Neither drugs nor alcohol will not help you with depression. They will not make you happier. They only make you closer to death... My second life have started about 4 years ago and I don't think that somebody or anybody will give me third one...

#23
Posted 03/29/2017 10:04 PM   
...
...

Corei7 4790K 32GB / 2xSLI: Titan X Pascal 3DSurr 7680x1440 +FSIM cockpit :D

My Hardcore gamer rig : http://forum.hardware.fr/configuration.php?config=hardwarefr.inc&pseudo=greatxerox
YOUTUBE Video updated : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CDItQG3ycOxD7alNomG3A?view_as=subscriber
Pictures : http://www.casimages.com/u/greatxerox/369138
Best site Emulation on the net : http://www.emu-france.com/

#24
Posted 04/02/2017 12:03 AM   
[quote="greatxerox"]@DarkStarSword In the pic of your first post, i saw "find the holy grail". In fact, that's easy & un-easy. all is determinated by your will. you have to find the truth in the Holy Bible. The reason of your depression is because this world belongs to Satan. you said you are often frustrated because in fact, the reason is you have always the impress to lack something. that's true. you are missing your relationship with the creator, God, i mean the REAL God, who is spirit. Of course, a LOT of humans can not believe this because the entire world is cut from the truth because the spiritual barrier of Satan. it's like "MATRIX". Satan acts like the matrix. you have to ask directly to God he reveals to you. You have to believe about Jesus Christ and ASK to him the spiritual baptism. If you are very determinated, God will be revealed to you using the Saint Spirit, you'll be directly connected to God. it's like "wi-fi". it's really stunning. that's something nobody can understand without to be "awaken" and you have to keep the faith all your life, and work for God in order to gain & keep your access to Paradise. I have to warn you : don't miss this huge luck... [/quote]
greatxerox said:@DarkStarSword

In the pic of your first post, i saw "find the holy grail".

In fact, that's easy & un-easy. all is determinated by your will.

you have to find the truth in the Holy Bible. The reason of your depression is because this world belongs to Satan. you said you are often frustrated because in fact, the reason is you have always the impress to lack something. that's true. you are missing your relationship with the creator, God, i mean the REAL God, who is spirit.

Of course, a LOT of humans can not believe this because the entire world is cut from the truth because the spiritual barrier of Satan. it's like "MATRIX". Satan acts like the matrix.

you have to ask directly to God he reveals to you. You have to believe about Jesus Christ and ASK to him the spiritual baptism. If you are very determinated, God will be revealed to you using the Saint Spirit, you'll be directly connected to God. it's like "wi-fi". it's really stunning.

that's something nobody can understand without to be "awaken" and you have to keep the faith all your life,
and work for God in order to gain & keep your access to Paradise. I have to warn you : don't miss this huge luck...

Corei7 4790K 32GB / 2xSLI: Titan X Pascal 3DSurr 7680x1440 +FSIM cockpit :D

My Hardcore gamer rig : http://forum.hardware.fr/configuration.php?config=hardwarefr.inc&pseudo=greatxerox
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#25
Posted 04/02/2017 12:08 AM   
This topic is, unsurprisingly, depressing. Know this DSS - some of your fixes have made me and no doubt other 3d gamers very happy - so your life has value, in my eyes.
This topic is, unsurprisingly, depressing.

Know this DSS - some of your fixes have made me and no doubt other 3d gamers very happy - so your life has value, in my eyes.

#26
Posted 04/02/2017 01:10 AM   
I have had mental problems my whole life, Medications do not cure anything. I did find out about a program called 'Nutritional Balancing' and its freaking great, I feel much better but it takes some time and dedication, basically the way it works is you get a hair analysis and you take vitamins and minerals based on your results. You are also required to eat a very healthy diet. There is always an explanation on why we suffer from any illness, mainstream medicine does not help by medicating us. Please look into it. www.drlwilson.com http://www.arltma.com/
I have had mental problems my whole life, Medications do not cure anything. I did find out about a program called 'Nutritional Balancing' and its freaking great, I feel much better but it takes some time and dedication, basically the way it works is you get a hair analysis and you take vitamins and minerals based on your results. You are also required to eat a very healthy diet. There is always an explanation on why we suffer from any illness, mainstream medicine does not help by medicating us. Please look into it. www.drlwilson.com http://www.arltma.com/

#27
Posted 04/02/2017 11:04 PM   
I'm not so strong in english so let me be short - welcome back dude =)
I'm not so strong in english so let me be short - welcome back dude =)

#28
Posted 04/03/2017 06:40 AM   
Watched Episode 4: Silicon Valley's Secret (see [url]http://money.cnn.com/mostly-human/[/url]), and I thought of an incredibly talented and prolific person, DarkStarSword. I hope he can find the right balance in life - this community continues to appreciate his masterpiece work like Phantom Pain...
Watched Episode 4: Silicon Valley's Secret (see http://money.cnn.com/mostly-human/), and I thought of an incredibly talented and prolific person, DarkStarSword. I hope he can find the right balance in life - this community continues to appreciate his masterpiece work like Phantom Pain...

#29
Posted 05/13/2017 01:51 PM   
[quote="whyme466"]Watched Episode 4: Silicon Valley's Secret (see [url]http://money.cnn.com/mostly-human/[/url]), and I thought of an incredibly talented and prolific person, DarkStarSword. I hope he can find the right balance in life - this community continues to appreciate his masterpiece work like Phantom Pain...[/quote]Thanks for sharing that. I live in Silicon Valley and have worked out here most of my life. I worked with and knew one of the people they mention in the story. I hope they are successful at bringing more awareness.
whyme466 said:Watched Episode 4: Silicon Valley's Secret (see http://money.cnn.com/mostly-human/), and I thought of an incredibly talented and prolific person, DarkStarSword. I hope he can find the right balance in life - this community continues to appreciate his masterpiece work like Phantom Pain...
Thanks for sharing that. I live in Silicon Valley and have worked out here most of my life. I worked with and knew one of the people they mention in the story. I hope they are successful at bringing more awareness.

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#30
Posted 05/14/2017 10:40 AM   
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